There are any number of lessons that it took me a long time to learn. And a lot I haven’t learned yet… Those I’ve learned, but still have a hard time living. But, in celebration of the fact that every day, we get another chance to figure it all out, here are 37 things that I have arguably learned in 37 years of edification.
Inch by inch…
- 1. It’s probably not personal. Nine times out of ten, it’s someone else’s issue and someone else’s bad mood. It stinks anyway.
2. Sleep actually is that important. I feel physically ill when I’m too tired. Same goes for water. Hydrate!
3. There are some people in your life who you will always hope are doing well, but who aren’t healthy for you to maintain relationships with. Let them go.
4. I don’t like green tea. It may be crazy healthy. It may add years to my life. I still don’t like it. And I have stopped trying.
5. There are friends who you may not see for years, and then within the first ten minutes of seeing them again, you can tell them your deepest fears, failings and embarrassments; that friendship will never fade.
6. It is not worth trying to make a left from Parkway Drive onto Acres Green Drive unless it’s the middle of the night or 10am on a Tuesday morning. Just go around.
7. I probably won’t die from anything found in a porta pot. But that doesn’t mean I ever have to make peace with the idea of them.
8. If a cute workout tank top has a built-in sports bra with multiple straps, tenuously connected by a couple darts on either side, just walk by. I don’t have the ten minutes to spend organizing those straps, layers, and then trying to get into them.
9. It’s really lucky that I had children in an age where mismatched socks are cool.
10. I will absolutely burn two pieces of toast in a row, because it needs “just a little more,” at which point, I will inevitably and inexplicably walk away. I will not learn, nor will I change the toaster setting.
11. Having regrets doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate your present. But it means that you got to your present by one of dozens, perhaps hundreds of different possible routes. We can’t live each one, and if we didn’t wonder about the others, we wouldn’t understand how we arrived where we are.
12. Be loyal, but not naïve.
13. The extra money for the direct flight at 10am is worth it.
14. I rely on the discretion of my children far more than I would like to admit. I can only imagine that my good friends whose children my children love, and whose houses they feel completely comfortable in, know at least a handful of things that I’m just as glad I don’t know they know.
15. It’s okay to politely dislike some people.
16. Gummy fruit snacks shaped like carrots, apples and grapes are not actually health foods. But they do make me feel more virtuous than fruit snacks shaped like Dory and Nemo. Well played, product development.
17. Between time and money, my time has increasingly become more valuable to me.
18. Buy the good bra and wear it when you want to really get things done. Your subconscious knows when you’re pulled together from the skin out and mean business.
19. If the higher purpose of the books I read is only to entertain me… that’s enough. I read smart books in college. I have nothing to prove. 19th century Russians are best in moderation, and not after a 16-hour day, brilliant or not.
20. Look up! I first learned this as a college kid traveling around Europe, where the most impressive art, architecture and views were often up. But I re-learn this all the time. Even when taking a walk, I sometimes realize I’ve been staring at my shadow on a gravel trail and then I look up… and there are fields and mountains and blue sky and whipped cream clouds. Always look up.
21. Everyone should own a crock pot. They are like a butler you gift yourself.
22. Invest in irons, curling irons and coffee pots with auto-shut off. It saves so much what-iffing.
23. Whether it’s filling muffin tins, loading the dishwasher, or cleaning up spills, it will be considerably messier and take longer, a lot longer, for one’s children to do said task. Let them do it, anyway.
24. Believe in things passionately. But if you can’t discuss them dispassionately, keep them for like-minded fellowship, or be emotionally prepared for strained relationships and hurt feelings. (But never negotiate your non-negotiables.)
25. At least once, live somewhere where you don’t know anyone. Don’t call home until you’ve met at least a half dozen new people. Find out who you are when no one has preconceived ideas of who you’re expected to be.
26. Drinking too much is increasingly passé. What’s the point, with kids at home who will still want someone to “watch this” at 7:32am? Honestly, staying out late is the new drinking too much. Combine both, and I might actually die. It will, at least, definitely take me a week to get over it.
27. The more single-ingredient food you eat, the better life becomes.
28. The person on an airplane who most wants that baby to stop crying is the person holding said baby. Glaring, judging and tut-tutting are not helpful. An “I’ve been there, too” can go a long way. And if you don’t have kids in your circle, remember that you were one. Samesies for grocery stores, zoos and theme parks. Creating memories is excruciatingly hard sometimes.
29. Yogurt cups are pressurized when living at high altitude. Open them accordingly, i.e., carefully.
30. Take your turn doing the things you don’t want to do, but don’t be a martyr. “I can’t this time,” does not require a novella in explanation. Be cool, live your life, help when you can.
31. Every time I have said, “Oh my gosh; I had no idea,” another person’s story becomes a little more tangible. We all have stories that we don’t broadcast. Life inevitably knocks us down from time to time. Even fairy tales begin in darkness.
32. It’s worth taking two minutes to check your larder before grocery shopping. Otherwise, you may end up with a hoard of salsa to rival a small Mexican restaurant but have no ketchup. It’s also worth using old-fashioned words like larder as often as possible.
33. The comments section of any online article will never, ever make you feel better about humanity.
34. Travel is absolutely the best path to an open mind, bar none. Travel often, travel early, travel regionally, travel internationally. Have an up-to-date passport, just in case and just because. The United States is home to less than 5% of the world’s population. That leaves a whole lot of people whose very legitimate world view is not our own. Plus, had I not studied abroad and met people who were not just like me, and grown to love people who were not just like the me, I would have missed dozens of amazing experiences, perhaps including being open to meeting my husband, who is also not exactly like me.
35. Downtime: so essential. If we don’t recharge, nothing else works. I need to be alone – alone alone – 10% of the time to be able to function within society 90% of the time. The anxiety that we feel if our phone dips below 10% battery on a busy day should be mirrored by our own need to recharge. We should put at least as much effort into it as we do our electronics.
36. One of the proudest moments of child-rearing is when your kid becomes fluent in your personal brand of family humor. It’s a first day of kindergarten, training-wheels-off, first overnight away sort of moment. That’s my kid.
37. Ask for what you want. Ask for 90 seconds of complete silence, for someone else to make dinner. Ask for the promotion. And if the daily special can be made without cheese. Shape your destiny in little ways, day by day.